


There’s a World Inside You

by angelheadedhipster, hi_irashay



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Feelings, Fingering, LOTS OF CONSENT, M/M, abject terror about the vegas draft, dudes having sex and calling each other 'dude', overwritten orgasms, pizza and beer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-02-26 10:25:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13233741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelheadedhipster/pseuds/angelheadedhipster, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_irashay/pseuds/hi_irashay
Summary: Braden feels himself looking at Nate differently, is the thing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [When condemning the whole body](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10928319) by [anonissue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonissue/pseuds/anonissue). 



> Soooo we read that great fic where Braden has the hiccups and we enjoyed it a lot and then we just got to ... chatting about it and suddenly there were several pages and then there was a whole fic. Thank you and we're sorry to anonissue for letting us play in their world, and uh, enjoy this... thing?
> 
> We should mention that it wont make a ton of sense if you haven't read the 'inspired by' work first, so you should do that. Also it's a delight, you won't regret it! Also worth mentioning is that we went even more AU than anonissue did - WAGs do not exist in this universe, SORRY but it just didn't FIT WITH THE PLOT #priorities.
> 
> Thank you to our lovely and long suffering betas for all their VERY GOOD POINTS
> 
> Also this was our original summary and honestly its incredibly accurate (Braden Holtby is a Virgo and Nate is a Cancer! Ok!!!): "The sign of Virgo brings Venus to its fall and suffers from a general lack of emotion. It is a rational sign with a lot to analyze, that rarely gives in to the first impulse or their fragile emotional state. They are to learn on how to feel safe enough to let their guard down and shut their mind off in order to feel and enjoy sex. Cancer doesn’t really understand how someone could have trouble getting in touch with their emotions and can have unrealistic expectations because of this."
> 
> Title is from the Sophie song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_S0qCeA-pc) because we were listening to it a lot? Look, nothing about this is justifiable....

They go on to beat Pittsburgh that night.  Braden has no more bouts of hiccuping, and things seemed to return to the status quo.  He mostly doesn’t think about what happened with Nate that night during the rest of the series.  Mostly.  It’s impossible to keep it completely out of his mind, because… well… Nate _had_ helped him overcome a vaguely serious medical issue, and it _had_ been a very (VERY) good orgasm, but… well, best to not fall too deep down that rabbit hole.  It was a friend helping a friend out of a sticky ( _erm)_ situation, and nothing more.

That said, it’s almost as if that night had shifted something within his and Nate’s friendship.  Braden doesn’t think he’s making up that Nate seems to touch him more.  Casual, light, no-big-deal buddy touches, but touches nonetheless. Or is it his imagination?  Is he just more tuned in to Nate now that he’s had his fingers in his ass?  Now that Nate knows his body arguably more intimately than anyone else?  Braden feels himself looking at Nate differently, is the thing.

And then they lose to the Penguins at the end of it all, again, and are out of the playoffs. Because it’s the _fucking_ Penguins

Game over, back to the start.  Summer comes, the team disperses, Braden takes a breath.  He takes a breath, and he continues to think about Nate.

It’s not like he wants to be still thinking about a teammate in this way.  It’s not a sex thing - they’re friends, and Nate is one of those rare people who is just so completely himself, it makes him nice to be around.  It almost makes Braden jealous, how completely at-ease Nate seems to be.  Braden almost never feels like that, even in the off season.

But then there’s the Vegas draft coming up, which is a whole other level of complication.  It means that Braden should EVEN MORE not be thinking about this, as Nate may be out of his life (geographically, at least) very soon.  Which is… unsettling to think about.  

And also, Braden is not gay.  He’s not bi.  He’s thought about this, a lot, he’s dealt with the comments when he attends Pride, or does other gay rights stuff. He knows this. He’s just, not.  That this is even on his mind at all is the most unsettling thing of all. He thought he knew himself on this one.

The last time he had seen Nate was at locker cleanout.  Braden spent the beginning of his summer hanging around the District and going back home to see his folks.  Nate is back in Minnesota with his family, but they’ve been keeping up with each other through texting and various social media avenues.  Nate manages to be just as warm and present through electronic communication as he is in person, but that just means it’s that much easier for Braden to read him.  Braden can read that Nate is very worried about the upcoming draft and where it will take him, and Braden just… misses him.

Nate comes back to DC, after a fashion, and Braden immediately starts up a campaign to hang out with him like they used to.  More than they used to, possibly.  Nate always seems to be up for grabbing lunch, or seeing a movie, or whatever else they can think up.  Everything is fine, their relationship seems stable and perfectly friendly.  Nate worries and complains about the draft, Braden tries to help him through.  They talk about summer in the city.  They commiserate about the Pens. They watch the Cup finals together. It’s nice, it’s friendly, it’s fine.

They DON’T talk about anything that even comes close to what happened between them the night Braden got the hiccups, though Braden is dying to.  If he’s being honest, he hasn’t quite been able to put it out of his mind.  He hardly remembers the agony of the incessant hiccups anymore, instead only focusing on the pleasure he felt when Nate hit his prostate just so.  It was one of the better physical sensations he’s felt.  You don’t forget that easily.

They don’t talk about it, but Braden wants to.  How did Nate learn how to do that so well?  Is it weird that Braden didn’t know that about himself, that he still doesn’t?  He’s tried to recreate the sensation. It was hard, awkward even, to get started, and finding the right angle proved impossible.  It required more lube than Braden is used to using, which meant he had to buy more lube, which was a vague inconvenience.  Especially since it’s hardly paid off for him.  It’s frustrating that Nate was able to take him apart so effectively and efficiently, on his first try, when the most Braden can muster is the vague sensation of tickling himself.  It’s just not the same.

One day at lunch, Braden is trying not to think about this while Nate is telling some long and slightly convoluted story about the last time he was at Mall of America, something about sunglasses. Braden is listening, mostly, but it’s a fairly detailed story about people he doesn’t know.

“Because Brad hated the ones I had, he said they made me look like a tool, but Emily thought they were fine - “

“Wait, who’s Brad?” Braden asks.  He’s heard about Nate’s sister before, but the new name catches him off guard.

“Oh, this guy I was dating two summers ago, for a little while,” Nate says, as if it’s no big deal at all and Braden’s entire conception of the world isn’t exploding.

“Oh, oh - okay,” says Braden, and hopes he doesn’t sound as flummoxed as he feels. He has nothing against that, obviously, he’s been doing Pride events for years, and Nate knows that. It was pretty nice of Nate to tell him, actually, and Braden knows that takes a very real level of trust, so, that’s cool.

But his brain is spinning out now, and he’s thinking about how this explains a lot, about why Nate’s so good at… what he did,  and he starts wondering how much Nate does that, and then realizes that Nate is looking at him, not talking. Maybe he looks a little nervous. Maybe acting like this isn’t a big deal is just as much an act for Nate as it is for Braden. Maybe he knows just how big a deal this is.

Braden pulls himself together. Nate’s his friend, first, and that’s what matters. “Okay, so did you buy the new ones, or did you listen to what Emily said?”

Nate smiles, soft and tentative, and Braden knows it’s not about the sunglasses. “Well, see, that’s the thing, we went to this ridiculous store in the Mall, and the guy there was all, these are the perfect sunglasses for going out on a pontoon, like, what kind of thing is that to say? And then…”

Braden relaxes, lets the story wash over him. He’s still Nate, this is still them. This is his friend. But also… _what_ on earth is he supposed to do with this information?

Nothing, that’s what he should do with it.

He doesn’t stop thinking about it, though, and as they’re paying for lunch that day, Braden licks his lips and asks, “So… bisexual? Or… is there another word you like… or, or gay, or?”

Nate’s signing his check, but he smiles. He looks up, and makes eye contact with Braden. “Bi is good. Thanks for asking, man.”  


Braden still doesn’t stop thinking about it, and thus sets about exploring what options he might have.  Porn proves… unhelpful.  Braden tries to think of it as tape review, but the stuff he normally favors definitely won’t help, and he’s not sure he’s quite brave enough to type “prostate stimulation” into the search bar just yet.  Would that even give him anything at all, let alone anything useful?  Who knows.  He always learned better by doing, anyway.

If he still can’t make it work on his own - and lord, does he continue to try to make it work - maybe he could ask a girl to do it for him?  No, that wouldn’t work, she’d probably be just as in the weeds as he is.  And the thought of asking a girl that is likely a stranger, or close-to-a-stranger (oh, how Braden wishes he had someone regular in his life right now), is just far too scary.  It also feels too scary to try using an object or sex toy.  Up until now, Braden’s been a fairly straightforward guy when it came to self-pleasure.  His hand, a bit of lube, maybe a fantasy or maybe some porn, and that’s that.  Uncomplicated and easy  Why fix something that isn’t broken?

Turns out, setting the bar at 'not broken' leaves a lot to be, well, _desired._

It takes a couple of weeks for Braden to finally give in to his curiosity.  He and Nate are laying out by the pool in Nate’s apartment complex, which is mercifully empty of other patrons.  They’d been shooting the shit about nothing in particular over a six-pack of Coronas.  Braden takes a sip of his beer and a deep breath, and steels himself to ask what he’s been dying to ask since May.

“So like…” he starts, fingers fidgeting with the label on his beer bottle.  “So you’re bi, and obviously have experience with both chicks and dudes, and…”

Nate chuckles.  “Obviously?” he teases, quirking an eyebrow at Braden over his sunglasses.

Braden feels himself blanking out a bit, and he doesn’t know what to say. There’s a long pause, before he finally gets out, “I mean, I guess I assumed. I knew about your girls, and then you mentioned Brad, and I don’t know.”

He pauses for a breath, hardly daring to look over at Nate, fingers methodically shredding the beer label into tiny pieces.  Nate puts his own beer down on the ground beside his lounge chair, and turns to his side to regard Braden head-on in subtle encouragement.

“I just figured… after what happened before the Pens game,” Braden continues, haltingly, “you seemed to know your way around, erm, down there.”

Nate grins, mouthing “down there” to himself before shaking his head and regarding Braden. “Oh, Beast,” his voice sounding terribly fond, “I am happy to hear I rocked your world.” He tips his beer towards Braden, as if toasting him, before knocking back another sip.

Braden nods, doggedly determined to continue in spite of Nate’s gentle teasing.  “Right, so… first of all, thank you again for that.  It was really nice of you, and just… really nice in general, I guess?”  He closes his eyes, not daring to see what might be happening on Nate’s face.

“You are so very welcome,” Nate replies, and Braden is sure he can hear the smile in his voice.  He opens his eyes to check - yep, face full of sunshine.  “Every guy is a little bit different in how much they like it, but I think it feels good for everybody.”

Braden feels an odd sense of relief at hearing that, some of his questions answered as a million more pop up.  He feels a surge of boldness - “What about you?”

“What about me, what?” Nate queries.  He still has that sunshiney smile, and Braden can almost see the way the corners of his eyes are crinkling up through his sunglasses.

“Do you… I mean, do you like it?  Or do you just like doing it to others?  Or…” Braden falters, concerned that he might be crossing some sort of line.

“OH, gotcha.”  Nate’s smile turns slightly mischievous.  “Not gonna lie, Beast, not something I ever thought you would ask me.”

Braden drops his eyes to his lap, covered in beer label shavings.  He hears another soft chuckle from Nate, and the sounds of him flipping onto his back and settling in.

They sit in comfortable silence for a while, but Braden can’t keep his mind from wandering. Braden can’t help but remember how totally… just, totally spent he felt after.  So fucked out and relaxed, which is a very rare feeling for him.  He’s seen that look on a few of the girls he’s been with in the past - that complete bliss, that bone-deep satisfaction, like there’s nothing left in them.  Damned if he didn’t realize just how much he’d been missing by not feeling that.  

But can he have it both ways?  Can he still love fucking girls, really fucking girls until they can’t remember their name, and also want to feel that himself?

Nate’s voice startles Braden out of his reverie.  “It’s cool, man, I didn’t mean to make fun.  I like both, honestly!”  Nate pauses for a gulp of beer, finishing his bottle and depositing it on the ground beside his chair.  “With guys, though, I tend to be more on the receiving end.  But it’s nice to be flexible, eh?”

Braden makes a vague sound of assent, marveling at how easily Nate seemed to read his thoughts and offer assurances.  He watches Nate reach for another beer as he thinks, noticing how deft his hands are popping the cap off of the new bottle.

Now he’s thinking about… about Nate on the “receiving end,” and what that might look like for him, and what he might look like when someone... someone is fucking him, and then Braden really is blushing. What does Nate like, though? What _would_ he like? Braden bites his lip, and looks away.

Nate just seems so… chill, about this.  Braden supposes it’s on brand for him, but it still feels surprising.  Then again, Braden has always been one of the more tightly-wound people in any given group. He is vigilant, always aware.  He reacts to things. It makes him a good goalie, but it can be hard for him to turn it off when not on the ice.  

It is this difficulty with relaxing that is giving him such pause with regards to what happened that night.  Beyond the pleasure, beyond that feeling of being so completely fucked out, he remembers how relaxed and loose and at-ease he felt, after.  He never feels like that.  The most he can achieve with his extensive pre-game rituals and dogged pursuit of mindfulness is a few quiet moments - minutes among hours, really - before his brain kicks back into hyperdrive.

So maybe, like… maybe this would be good for him?  To explore it some more?  Even if only as a way to let himself relax every now and again? Not during games, obviously, but, it might help to be able to get more focused, to find that place that he can play from.  His mom’s been saying it for ages, as have his closest friends - Braden is kind of sick of hearing he needs to relax, to be honest.

And, Braden figures, Nate would be down.  Probably.  Right?  Nate just admitted he likes it both ways, and he certainly seemed to enjoy himself that night.  But god, can Braden ask that of him?  Is it asking too much?  Is there a service he could use instead - professional prostate massagers?  Braden instantly cringes at the thought.  No strangers, no.

The thing is, Braden just can’t imagine anyone but Nate doing it to him.  He tries to picture others, faceless women, faceless men, even - but it always comes back to Nate.  The surprising softness of his hands, the way they felt as they curled around his hip and teased at his ass.  The strength with which he held Braden up after his legs gave out.

It always comes back to Nate.  And that’s… well, that’s something.

It isn’t until a few days later that he gets up a new batch of courage, and asks the next question.  They are lucky again to be the only ones at the pool - a benefit of being there when most people would be at work, Braden supposes.  He lets Nate settle into his lounge chair before he starts.

“Okay, so, look.  I know this might sound weird, and I probably shouldn’t even ask, but…” Nate’s smile doesn’t falter at how awkward Braden is being.  “Do you think we could, I don’t know… would you mind?” Braden loses his nerve before he can commit.

Nate’s smile softens, as if in understanding.  “Beast, are you asking what I think you’re asking?” He swings his legs over the side of the lounger to sit up, body angled towards Braden.  “Do you want me to finger you again?”

Braden flinches a bit at Nate’s direct use of the word, but yes, that is, in fact, what he wants. Good for Nate for saying it out loud. He mimics Nate’s positioning, sitting up straight as he faces Nate.  Their knees almost knock together as Braden puts his empty bottle down on the ground.  He swallows, almost choking on it, and then nods.

“Sure, man, totally!”  Nate responds without having to think about it much, apparently.  Braden notices a slight tint of pink to his cheeks - maybe it’s the sun, maybe it’s something else.  

Nate continues. “Happy to help out a friend, especially when that friend is a newbie to just how awesome things can be.”  His smile grows wider, getting that playful edge that Braden knows so well.

Braden let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.  “Wow, okay, great.”  He feels as if he is feeding off of Nate’s calm and accepting attitude - maybe this ISN’T a big deal!  Friends can do this for other friends, right?  He offers Nate a small smile.  “I’m a little out of my element here, I guess.”

“No shit, Sherlock!” Nate’s words are accompanied by a gentle chuckle.  “Whatever, dude, I got you.  What were you thinking?”

Braden pauses to turn over some options.  Today?  No, far too soon, need a few days to adjust.  “How about this Friday?”  This is also strategic, as it’s two days before the expansion lists are revealed and might be a nice distraction for Nate.

“Sounds good to me,” Nate rejoins easily.  “TGIF, as they say.”

Braden groans and scrubs a hand over his face.  “Keep talking like that and you’re uninvited.”

Nate barks out a happy giggle.  “You would never, Beast.”

Braden knows he’s right.


	2. Chapter 2

The logistics are set.  Nate is going to come over to Braden’s on Friday at 7:00pm sharp.  They are going to split a pizza and some beers, Nate insistent that they have no more than two each (“You can’t consent if you’re not sober!” Nate had almost screeched at him.  “But I’m consenting now!” Braden had responded, not actually disagreeing with Nate but enjoying riling him up.  “Oh my god, Beast, that is SO NOT THE POINT” Nate had squawked, before his eyes dawned with realization, as Braden dissolved into laughter).  And then… well, and then.

Nate arrives at the appointed time, bearing a pepperoni pizza, lube (“I like this kind, I didn’t know what you’d have!”), and a different sort of smile than his usual shit-eating grin.  Is he… is he nervous?  Braden can’t tell, but Nate’s cheeks are slightly pink again, and his eyes seem to dart around the room more than usual.

The pizza is good, the beers (“Remember, no more than two each” Nate reminds him with a sweet sort of earnestness) are good, their small talk is good.  All too soon, though, Braden’s gathered up their plates and deposited them into the dishwasher.  Their bottles and pizza box are in the recycling bin.  He meets Nate’s gaze over the table. Nate seems to have settled slightly since his arrival; his eyes are now calm and reassuring. 

“Shall we?” Nate asks, eyes crinkling as his mouth turns up into a gentle smile that Braden can’t help but return.

“Yeah… yeah,” Braden replies.  He leads Nate up the stairs to his bedroom wordlessly.  He stops short at the doorway, hesitating for a brief instant, before Nate chuckles and hip checks him through the door.

Once inside, growing nervousness has Braden standing awkwardly by the foot of his bed.  His hands clench and unclench at his sides, and he’s not sure where to look.  He’s viscerally aware of Nate regarding him from a few feet away, and when he finally braves a glance at him, that damned soft, gentle grin is still there.

“Hey, Beast, relax,” Nate admonishes.  “It’s just me.  It’s just us.  Besides - we  _ have _ done this before, you know.” Nate walks to the bedside table and deposits the lube from his pocket next to the box of tissues Braden always keeps there.  Casually, like he’s been here a million times before.

Braden nods, eyes tracking Nate’s movement across the room as he walks back towards him.  “Yeah, right.” His voice feels scratchy and tight, he clears his throat.   They may have done this before, technically, but it feels completely different to do this with Nate in a bedroom, in his bedroom. On purpose. If you plan pizza and beers and sex, is that a date? “So… how do we start?”

“Probably by getting naked?” Nate phrases it as a question, but his hands are already tugging at the hem of his own shirt.

“Right,” Braden exhales.   _ Whatever, fuck it, here we go, _ he thinks to himself as he pulls off his own shirt.  He’s secretly pleased to be the first one to make a move, but even more pleased to note that Nate follows suit almost immediately.  They each shed their pants as well, tossing their clothes on the ground casually.  Like this is no big deal, like this is normal and every day. And it is, kind of. He sees Nate naked all the time.

“Okay, bud, how you feeling so far?”  Nate’s gaze is expectant, though Braden notes he keeps his eyes trained on Braden’s face.  Not sinking any lower to where Braden is mostly naked in front of him.

“Alright so far,” Braden responds, conscious of the flush spreading from his face down his chest.

“Good!  Good.”  Nate genuinely seems pleased to hear it.  “I just wondered if you needed… well, just remember that this is totally cool, I’m totally in, it’s all good.”

Braden musters a small smile in response.  “I know, Schmidtty.  Yeah, I’m cool too.”

Nate positively beams in response, shoulders relaxing infinitesimally.  He then reaches slowly for the waistband of his boxers, maintaining eye contact with Braden the whole time.  He cocks his head to the side, questioning.

Braden nods, and he keeps eye contact with Nate even as his hands are on his own underwear, before again taking the lead and pushing them off.  The eye contact is… intense. He kicks them towards the pile of the rest of his clothes and watches as Nate does the same.

_ Whoa. _

Braden tries to keep his eyes from roaming, but it is… kind of hard to not?  He tries to disguise his interest with more talking.  “So what now, Schmiddty, do you want to just.  I mean, how do we… should I jerk off again, or what?”

Nate looks considering.  “Sure, probably!  If that would make you more comfortable?”

‘Comfortable’ is not the word Braden would use, exactly, but he gamely reaches for his dick with his right hand and squeezes it.  He looks up to check in with Nate and finds him licking his lips, his eyes down as they focus on Braden’s hand.  On his cock.  Braden strokes himself tentatively, and doesn’t miss how Nate bites his own lip in response and shuffles a few steps closer.

Braden strokes himself a few more times, unable to tear his eyes away from Nate’s mouth.  In the low lighting of the bedside lamp, Nate’s lips have never looked more pink.  So pink, and so close.  Braden finds himself listing towards Nate almost subconsciously, leaning in closer, closer…

He coughs slightly, straightening up momentarily, before meeting Nate’s eyes.  “Umm, Schmidtty?”

Nate drags his eyes up Braden’s body to his face, and it seems to take him a few seconds - “Yeah?  You still okay?”

Braden nods.  “Yeah, I just… can I kiss you?”  He’s startled to hear himself say it, but gosh.  He really, really wants to. Maybe it’s just that he has his dick in his hand and he’s super turned on, and there’s a person next to him. Kissing makes sense. Like the wires are crossed. Sure.

Nate looks momentarily startled, before his expression turns into the bright and sunshiney smile that is his norm, though his eyes seem darker, more intense.  “Oh! ” he says, as his shoulders relax - Braden hadn’t even realized they’d been tense.  “Yeah, um, yeah - you definitely can kiss me.” And he smiles again, but it’s not the usual sunny grin. This smile is more private, teasing almost, and Braden’s kind of amazed he gets to see it.

Happy to have permission, Braden allows himself to list towards Nate again.  His strokes of his cock turn languid and lazy as he leans in, tentative, finally meeting Nate’s lips with his own.  It is a timid kiss, the softest press of lips, but Braden can still feel that Nate is smiling through it all.  It’s just so  _ Nate _ , and it feels really nice.  

Nate seems to be in no rush to change the pace, and neither, honestly, is Braden.  It feels nice, his hand on his cock feels nice, it’s sweet and it’s soft and he feels warm all over.  Braden loses himself to the sensation for a bit before he feels Nate pulling back, bringing a gentle hand up to his shoulder.

“Hey,” Nate’s voice is soft, but sure.  “Why don’t you lie down for me.  On your back?”

_ Right, _ Braden thinks. This is… they’re really doing this. He wanted this, he’s the one who asked for this. Kissing is nice, though. He kind of wishes they could just stay like this, forever.

Nate has pulled back, and his eyes are drifting down towards Braden’s dick, where Braden’s hand is still languidly stroking. Braden can feel himself getting harder as Nate watches, his hand pulling slightly faster and - okay, yeah. It’s time to get this show on the road.

There’s some fussing with pillows and placement, and somehow nothing quite feels right. It’s hard to feel completely comfortable when you’re spread out, naked, in front of your teammate who’s gonna stick his fingers up your ass. But Braden’s trying, he is, and he thinks maybe if his foot is flat on the bed that would help, or maybe-

“Hey,” Nate says, and his hand reaches out and brushes along the inside of Braden’s ankle. When Braden looks at his face, Nate is smiling, like maybe he wants to be chirping but he’s holding his tongue. It’s a cute look, Braden thinks. And then thinks -  _ did I just think that?  _ Nate’s finger is tickling the bone of his ankle, and Braden finds himself hyper aware of it.

“Dude, you’re thinking way too hard here,” Nate says. “I can see the gears grinding. You’re good, we’re good. Everything is totally good.”

“Okay,” Braden says. He’s not sure what he’s agreeing with, exactly.

“Okay,” Nate replies, and smiles. His hand starts trailing up Braden’s calf, soft and slow. It’s not sexy, per se, but it feels like every nerve on Braden’s legs are super sensitive. 

“Okay,” Nate repeats, hand fluttering at Braden’s knee. “Lie back, yeah? Move your legs a little wider, maybe grab a pillow for your head.”

“Uh,” Braden starts to reply, as he shifts to lie back, looking at the ceiling now.

“You really don’t have to talk,” Nate says. “I mean, I’m probably gonna keep checking in, and you should definitely tell me if I do anything you don’t like. But… just let me make you feel good, alright?”

Braden nods, and then thinks that maybe Nate can’t see him do that, so he starts to sit up. 

Nate’s hand is on his stomach, callused fingers over the lines of his abs. “It’s okay,” Nate says, and pushes him back down, ever so lightly but firmly. “Just relax.  You’re doing good.”

Braden’s staring at the ceiling, again, and trying to relax. Nate says he’s doing good. It’s nice to hear that. His hand goes back to his dick, which is hard and waiting for him.

“Hey,” Nate says, his voice noticeably lower, sharper. His hand hasn’t moved from Braden’s stomach, but it slides purposefully towards his cock now. “Don’t touch,” he says. 

Braden’s hand drops to the bed beside him before he even really thinks about it.

“I got you, let me take care of everything” Nate’s voice says, and Braden’s eyes are sliding closed. He feels someone else’s hand on his dick, strong fingers and pressure that’s almost, almost enough. It’s quiet in the room, which makes the sounds of skin on skin even louder. 

The bed shifts around him, and then there’s another hand, cupping his balls, which feels  _ fantastic _ . There’s a part of Braden’s brain that is blasting out alerts - MALE HAND, BALLS, NEW NEW NEW - but he’s trying to ignore it, trying to sink into this experience as it happens. 

“You’re good,” comes Nate’s voice. “Yeah, you’re so good.” One hand slides off, and the hand on Braden’s dick slows, slightly. Braden doesn’t like that as much - it felt really good and he didn’t want it to stop. With less stimulation on his cock he feels like his brain has sped up, too, which isn’t exactly helping.

There’s a popping noise and - that’s the lube Nate brought. That’s what lube sounds like. Braden is suddenly tense all over, muscles locking. This is really happening. He thinks about opening his eyes, but worries that would make it worse.

There’s a shift, and Nate’s hand moves off his cock, and then there’s warmth hovering over Braden’s front, and Nate is kissing him. Braden’s eyes do fly open at that, but what he sees is - It’s just Nate. Nate kissing him, yeah, which is somewhat familiar, and Braden can already feel himself relaxing.  It feels comfortable, really nice, and he’s kissing back. Braden can trust Nate - he knows this, mentally, and now it’s starting to feel like his body understands too

Nate pulls back, one hand propping himself up on the bed. “You good, Beast?” he asks, eyes soft and smile gentle

“Yeah,” Braden says. “Yeah I-yeah. Thanks. Don't, uh, stop.  Go for it.”

Nate laughs, low, once. “All systems go, baby,” and he’s shifting back onto his heels. Braden watches as Nate’s hand comes off the bed, as his fingers circle around Braden’s dick and then his eyes have to close again because wow, that feels really good. Nate’s squeezing just a little harder, jerking just a little faster, intermittently swiping a thumb over the tip, and it’s  _ perfect.  _

There’s a lube-slick finger ghosting against his balls, and then further down, between his cheeks. It doesn’t feel bad, exactly, but it almost tickles. Nate swipes his finger back and forth there a few times, and Braden begins to think that maybe it does feel good. 

Nate’s finger starts circling his hole and that’s - that’s a lot, and Braden thinks he could start freaking out again except that Nate’s hand on his dick is pretty distracting. Which is probably the point, and proves yet again how good Nate is at this. How many people has he done this to? Are they better at it than Braden is? Is there-

“Oh!” Braden says, out loud, losing his train of thought, because Nate’s finger is inside him, sliding in smooth and easy like they do this all the time. 

It feels weird. Not bad, but… that part of his brain that was sending out the alerts is getting very loud again, and Braden is actively having to will himself not to freak out. He’s done this before, he thinks, and it was good before. It’ll get good. Just gotta keep breathing, and, and, and-

Nate’s voice cuts through his churning thoughts, startling Braden with how close he sounds. “You okay? God, you - tell me if you’re okay.” His voice sounds rough, and Braden bites his lip. Nate’s finger has stilled, his other hand moving from Braden’s cock to stroke soothingly down his side.

“Yeah,” Braden says, and he’s startled by how breathy he sounds. “Yeah, it’s okay. You can- you can-”

“OK,” Nate says. “Good, thank you.  Don’t worry about anything. I got you.” His hand returns to Braden’s dick while his finger starts moving again, inside Braden,  _ inside  _ him, and it’s okay. It’s okay, they’re okay.

Nate keeps going, and Braden actively relaxes into the motions. He knows how to do this. Bit by bit, he sinks into the dual sensations of Nate’s hand on his dick and his finger inside him, and it’s sort of nice, really. And then Nate twists his finger, slightly, or does something and suddenly Braden is not relaxed AT ALL.

“Holy-” Braden says, and his eyes have flown open, he’s not sure when. He feels completely lit up from the inside, sensation pinging all over him. He’s gasping for breath.

Nate laughs, a completely delighted sound. “Yeah?” he says, and there’s a smile in his voice.

“Oh my god, I - how - “

“Yeah, I know, man,” Nate says, and his finger is still stroking. “God, you look  _ incredible _ right now.”

Braden starts to look down his body towards Nate, his neck coming up, but then Nate curls his finger and slides, and Braden’s head thunks back against the pillow, his mouth opening in a choked gasp.

“Exactly,” Nate says. “Just lie back there, dude. Let go.” His finger slides out, slightly. 

“Okay,” Braden says, and he breathes out, but then suddenly there are two fingers and Braden feels so full, and it’s  _ amazing _ . 

There’s still a hand on his cock but it almost feels like an afterthought, even as he feels his dick still stiffening, impossibly hard at this point. He feels like every second is a crescendo, but there’s no end point, there’s no coming down. It’s just constant explosions, one bleeding into the other, Nate’s fingers sending shocks of pleasure throughout his whole body, over and over and over again. 

“I - shit, I -” Braden wants to say please, and he’s not sure what he’s asking for and he can’t make himself say the words, but he needs, he  _ needs _ -

Nate’s breathing heavily now, too, the sound of it mixing with the sound of hand on skin, the liquid sounds of  lovemaking . Braden can’t remember what is supposed to happen next, all he can feel is this, this insane buildup inside of him. 

“Yeah, Bray, you’re so good, you’re doing so good,” says Nate’s voice, filtering through the sides of Braden’s perception. He sounds rough, gravelly. “Come on, I got you.”

And Braden does. He comes and it goes on  _ forever _ , pulses that wind him higher and higher until his heart feels as if it will pound out of his chest, and all he can hear are the nonsensical noises he can’t help but make. He can’t think, can only feel completely lit up, on fire, like there’s a neutron bomb exploding out of his dick. It’s so intensely pleasurable that it hurts, feels utterly overwhelming. Dimly, he’s aware that he’s getting come all over Nate’s hand.  And himself, for that matter. 

Braden’s still gasping, but it’s big, deep breaths now, his heartbeat thudding. He’s staring at that same ceiling again but it doesn’t feel right, that it should be the same. Not after that. This is a whole new plane of existence.

He feels wrung the fuck out. He’s twitching, muscles still pulsing. His whole body is pulsing. Nate’s fingers are still there, inside him, not pressing or stroking, just a gentle presence.

“Shit, man,” says Braden, and thinks maybe he can start to feel his fingers again. 

Nate is smiling and his face is all red and sweaty. He’s smiling like he won the Cup.

“You good?” Nate asks. “You okay?”

“God,” says Braden. He starts to laugh. “I”m so okay. Yeah - definitely, definitely okay.”

Nate laughs, and pulls his fingers out, slowly. “Good!” he says.

The emptiness feels strange, but it passes quickly, and Braden can’t bring himself to care anyway. He just feels good. He feels  _ loose _ , and  _ relaxed _ .

“I want to do that - I want to do exactly that, maybe forever,” Braden says, and he laughs and sighs.

“Yeah,” Nate replies, “But dude - there are also so many other ways to do that, too, and-” and then he cuts himself off. Now Braden, through the haze, is thinking about the other ways to do it.  Like, having someone (okay, he’s thinking about Nate, Nate’s pink lips and his hair plastered sweaty on his forehead) sucking him off while they do that and, that’s… interesting. 

Braden finally feels able to rouse himself and puts his palms on the bed, pushing himself up enough to look down the bed at Nate. 

Nate is hard, and he’s maybe twitching a bit, his muscles look tense as he kneels by Braden’s hip. He’s so hard it looks like it might hurt. Braden’s brain still isn’t completely functioning, but he’s not an asshole. At this point Nate has given him two amazing orgasms ( _ can there be more? _ whispers a traitorous part of his brain), and, well, it’s only fair...

Plus, Braden wants to know what it feels like. To make someone come, when that someone has a dick...  He makes up his mind to go for it.

“Hey,” Braden says, leaning over. “Here, I -” and he grabs Nate’s dick, in what’s probably an awkward way, but. It feels warm in his hand, smooth.  He scoots himself further down the bed to get closer to Nate, and strokes his hand experimentally.

Nate inhales sharply.  “Oh, uh, you don’t have to…”

“Don’t be stupid,” Braden says. “I mean, I owe you two now,” but he’s staring at Nate’s dick, at his hand on Nate’s dick.  It looks different than a girl's hand does on his own dick - his hand on Nate's is so much bigger . 

They’re friends, buddies. It’s only fair to get Nate off too, even as part of his brain is still yelling THIS IS A PENIS ALERT ALERT. 

It doesn’t feel that different than touching his own except for how it definitely, definitely does.  

Nate sucks a breath in as Braden continues his tentative exploration, and makes a sound that isn’t a sound.

“What do you want me to do?” Braden asks. 

“Um,” Nate says, and he’s getting a little more flushed as Braden jerks him.  “I, uh-” he cuts himself off with a soft moan as Braden tightens his fingers on the upstroke. 

Nate’s cut, which is interesting. Braden feels his hand catching on skin a bit, so he stops touching Nate and licks his hand, from his palm to his fingers. Nate’s eyes get huge at that, tracking Braden’s tongue, and he gasps, loudly. Braden puts his hand back on Nate’s dick, and Nate looks overwhelmed, flushed and red. He’s staring at Braden and he looks… needy, somehow. Braden kisses him again. 

Nate kisses back, and Braden is focusing on his dick but also on how soft Nate’s lips are, how wet and warm, and his tongue slides through Nate’s lips, almost without Braden noticing. Nate moans, sounding tortured, and their tongues are curling together. Nate is panting a little through the kiss.  He’s sweaty, and Braden wonders what it tastes like, so he shifts his mouth away from Nate’s to lick down his neck, and Nate full-on whimpers.  Braden figures he's doing something right and works his mouth back up the column of Nate's throat.

Braden starts to worry about the way his hand is still dragging over the skin of Nate’s dick (how do uncircumcised guys handle that?  Doesn’t it hurt?), even with the help from his spit.  He moves to take his hand off Nate’s dick, thinking he’ll try to smear some of the leftover lube onto it, but Nate makes a pained noise. “No, don’t- don’t stop.” He starts to grab his own dick, which isn’t how this is supposed to work, at all. So Braden presses a kiss under Nate’s jaw and shoos him off.  He licks his hand again, and that will have to do.

Nate is biting his lip and his fingers are curling into Braden’s shoulder, nails digging in.

“Are you- Is this… Nate, tell me what you want,” Braden whispers, focusing on Nate’s face.  Nate groans, his head falling forward against Braden’s shoulder. 

“Can you just...” Nate sounds wrecked, his breath a hot puff against Braden’s chest.  It’s kind of amazing. _ I did that, _ Braden thinks. “Harder?” Nate says, and Braden tries to keep up. “Harder, and a little - tighter - faster - AHHH fffffffffuck.”  Nate’s orgasm comes on suddenly, but seems to hit him just as powerfully as Braden’s had.

So now there’s jizz on Braden’s hand. Someone else’s jizz. Nate’s jizz. Braden still feels super relaxed, his muscles like jelly, which is great, but his brain is racing. He stares at the come on his fingers and he... doesn’t hate it. Nate is breathing deeply, his forehead still on Braden’s shoulder. There is suddenly so much to be thinking about.

They stay frozen there, Nate’s breath ghosting down Braden’s chest as they both work to reregulate their breathing.  Braden can feel the soft tickle of Nate’s eyelashes as his eyes flutter shut.  Nate sighs - a deep, content-sounding sigh - before turning his face towards Braden’s neck with a soft “mmmmmm.”  Braden tenses up slightly at the movement, but Nate is just so warm and soft that he can’t help but relax again.

Braden gropes blindly for the tissue box on his bedside table, trying not to disturb Nate with his actions.  He grabs a handful and clumsily mops up the come from his hand, choosing not to bother with the mess on his own body.  He figures a shower is in order later, regardless, and he’s not entirely uncomfortable.  Braden lets the tissue wad fall down the side of the bed as he returns his focus back to Nate, who has snuggled (there’s really no other word for it) into Braden’s side, his lips brushing lazily against Braden’s neck.

Braden instinctively brings his arms to wrap gently around Nate. It’s muscle memory - it’s what you do after you both come.  You wrap the other person in your arms and hold them for as long as they want, and that seems to apply to dudes, too, right?  He telegraphs his movements clearly, giving Nate the chance to pull away or tell him to stop.  But Nate makes a happy sound against Braden’s neck and pushes closer, sliding his head down Braden’s body to rest against his heart.  Nate’s own arms slide around Braden’s waist, squeezing him once before relaxing into a looser hold. That’s normal too, right? That’s how this works.

They stay like that, breathing together, syncing up as they come back down.  Braden imagines that Nate can hear how calm and steady his pulse has become, that loose and relaxed feeling returning in spades.  Braden eases his body back onto the pillows along the headboard as exhaustion catches up to him. His arms are still around Nate, who bonelessly slides down with him until he is essentially lying on top of Braden.

Braden tries not to overthink it, tries to let his mind and body stay in their relaxed state.  What’s a cuddle with one of your best bros?  A post-sex cuddle is maybe a little different... but it’s okay, he’s okay. It feels natural and right and good, but also on the verge of being too scary, too new, too intimate, at the same time.  Too much, in both the best and worst ways.

Of course, as it always happens, Braden’s mind vaults him out of the easy headspace before long.  Nervous thoughts come a mile a minute, an endless ticker tape through his brain.  What if this changes things for them? What if their friendship changes - oh god, did he just ruin his and Nate’s easy friendship for an orgasm?   What the fuck is going to happen to them now?  Also, he had sex with a man. Is he bi now?  Is he just gay for Nate?

Braden’s anxious feelings grow as his thoughts circle faster and faster.  He worries that he took advantage, that he overstepped, that nothing will ever be the same for them after this. Which is really upsetting, because he really likes Nate! Losing him… that wouldn’t be worth it, he thinks. He’s stuck in his head and he catches himself loosening his grip on Nate, his arms reflexively trying to break away, to escape.  Braden breathes through it, forcing his arms to stay as they are, around Nate, and files his nerves away for later.  Nate doesn’t need to know about any of this until Braden has figured things out for himself.

Even so, Braden feels as if he needs to say  _ something _ .  To break this tension that perhaps only he feels, given the way Nate is still sprawled boneless on top of him.  He turns to nuzzle his cheek across the top of Nate’s head and murmurs “Thank you” to the darkened room.  He feels more than hears the soft air of Nate’s chuckle, and Nate squeezes him around the waist in response.

Mixed emotions continue to swirl within Braden as he absentmindedly strokes a soothing circle across Nate’s upper back.  Another muscle memory, he supposes.  He feels Nate’s eyes flutter shut against his chest with the tiniest brush of eyelashes.  Braden’s own eyelids feel heavy, falling shut of their own accord.  There’ll be time later to figure this out, to parse out the tangled web they’ve woven between themselves.

There’ll be time.  For now, they slip together into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is still happening! And after finishing up this chapter we blocked out another ...probably two more chapters so uh look out for that, soonish, probably? MAN this thing just keeps going HUH

**Author's Note:**

> There is definitely at least one more chapter, it's written and everything. There might be more? Honestly who knows! Certainly not us.


End file.
